of technology and glue

ask most people i know and they will tell u of my love/hate relationship with technology... namely... with computers and all things internet related...

when the internet first became popular way back when... i refused move with the whole craze and held out for a whole year or two before my brother decided to get me connected... yes the only reason i have the internet today.. is because of force. It did not arise from some prior thirst for knowledge or information or companionship in the form of what they used to call in the days of Irc ...nicks

in the day.. i happily submitted my assignments, reports and essays on paper.. hand written ... headings and borders were decorated and coloured and pictures manipulated manually... the only collages i ever did were ones which involved to use of either Clag or UHU glue

i loved and still do... to cut and paste and colour and decorate with my hands... which i can control...

i feel that i am more creative when i employ manual labour, its more personal and i have the freedom to control my outcome...

so i might have the fascade of embracing technology wholeheartedly with my use of msn, email and because i have a weblog.. the truth is far from it

i dont trust online banking.. i dont trust the online payment of bills... i dont trust ebay and ive refrained from the abovementioned for as long as i can re-call...

i dont have broadband (what speed i don't know wont hurt me right?)

this blog in itself was quite a major accomplishment which shocked many .. the fact that i figured out how to post pictures (albeit singularly) was an achievement...

and today... the shockfactor could have emerged again

but for the fact that bluddy stupid photoshop was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo non-user friendly *blasted beeeeep beeep beeep peice of shit bullshit farken farken*

ok.. so i thought id be daring today and i thought id venture out into the photoshopping world today ... u know make my blog look nicer... more interesting...

i gave up.

dont ask... i just gave up.. if you're anything like me.. ive no doubt u would too.. i thought.. ill be strong.. with determination.. i could do it... i got as far as clicking... file... open... new.... i managed to get a background colour.... and to colour the background of a black car .. black...

but that wasnt until i accidently discovered an icon that allows you to do it in chunks... prior to do that.. i was dot dot dotting away trying to erase the background... and then alas...

i gave up

once again stupid peice of shit hard to use program.. i have much respect for those with a firm grasp of it!

anyway .. rather than ranting some more.. lets call it a night

meanwhile... im back to my trusty pens, my pencils.. my textas and crayons...and paints and fabrics ... my scissors and my clag glue.

night

just nothing-ness

its been a slow week...

the first full week since danny took off to london...

my first full week back at work since easter...

my first full week of driving to work and contending with the hectic peak hour traffic...

needless to say i was very tired all week and took to my slumber quite early every night... thanks to ray for bringing over a shitload of magazines from work to help me fall asleep...


it works! hahaha everytime i read... i sleep!!! probably some residual habit from them law text book days... on top of that... i think im coming down with a cold... i can't stop sneezing and coughing, and this has earned me the title "machine gun" at work...

for those of you familiar with my sneezes... i cant sneeze singularly... they just keep going and going and going...

other than that not much interesting has been happening...

its quite funny how angry at the retarded drivers i get when going to and from work.. im sitting there literally construing my every angry line for my blog (i dont do road rage... as i might get killed... dw bad experience saved for some other post) and then i get home and i really cant be bothered...

but i decided today that i should really post something up... even though its pretty much nothing-ness...

went power-shopping with mum just now... we gave ourselves an hour!

... omg... can the woman shop! hahaha we're bad for each other when it comes to shopping... she taunts me into buying stuff when i put it back... hahah

well...shes quite cool actually... she tells me "daughter...you work so hard.. c'mon just enjoy it!" while im like "no mum we have bills to pay and i have a house ive yet to buy!!!" then she'd be like.. "you're just a tight wad" hahaha

oh motherly love.

but its cool.. all in moderation.. its better than going shopping with someone boring who just looks looks... goes away.. comes back looks looks... goes to another suburb ... goes into the same shop looks looks ... and doesnt buy something thats like $10!!! that gets annoying haha besides i cant resist temptation especially if its a bargain... id feel bad if i go with someone who buys NOTHING cos id feel so guilty for spending what i dont have!


oh wells.. hows that for nothing-ness?

o gawd.. what has my life become?!!

back at 20 again

so he's been gone 3 days and life seems remotely strange... not better... not so much worse... but strange

its been 4.5 years since ive been on my own and all of a sudden i feel like im 20 all over again... the same confusion, the same lack of direction... the same old go-with-the-flow me...

when he got on that plane... i think he took with him my sense of clarity.. my direction.. you could say he took with him my security net...

its like i have to get to know myself all over again... and you could say this is a good thing...and it probably is... but with him i could hide and not confront those puzzling questions i never could answer...

when he was around i was confident, i knew what i wanted and i knew what lengths i would go to for it.. everything seemed so down the line.. so clear cut...cos i KNEW i always had someone who would love me no matter what, no matter how many times i fell.. or however many times i pissed him off or however many times i kicked up a stink...

.....and now

all that seems to have dispelled

and im back to me again

while its been good catching up with much loved friends from yesteryear .. its been great actually because it seems like these 4.5 years hadnt happened and i walked right back into where i left off... (cept for the pregnant few..n the few engaged...n the few ive never even met before in my whole life)... regardless of all that i feel like ive got two personailities and two lives because the groups are so different so VERY different and me ... being so versatile ..... i dont know where i belong again

neither here nor there

i think its time i got that clarity back...

okay so now i know and im sure i can live without you and im sure id be perfectly fine... happy even... but i think i want that added value... just that little one up that makes me know who i am... that one up that doesnt make me feel so lost all the time... that guidance and the sense of security that you exert.

grad '06...i found some friends this year! hahahahahaha